Anxiety !

Tickling of the watch,

In the peaceful night, disturbs me like a roar of lion,
After the insomnia has felt in love with me,
Time has proved to be illusion, 
With longest nights and shortest span of clarity to carry on..

The day goes without really being in the present moment,
Rumination, worry, guilt and remorse, all goes on a play moment to moment, 
I am scared for losing every bit of pieces of me, slowly,
Nothing seems to be in my control, my body, mind or the heartbeat,
Helpless I feel mostly, 
When I push away everyone with my tantrum and behavior knowingly, unknowingly..

I call it devil in my head, dancing and making my vision blurry,
They call it anxiety, affecting me and my life, with enormous negativity,
All my perception has been shifted toward the threat,
My brain seems to be fighting for survival, Forgetting who am I pushing and who is my mate..

My hunger has gone on a sleep so as my relaxed temperament,
They call it anxiety affecting my physiological state and mental health,
I call it devil in my body, soaking my energy out of me,
Pain is the only sensation left to be felt,
Food has lost its taste, beauty in my vision has been fade..

Dark blanket has covered me and taking me away from me,
Away from everyone who mostly mattered me,
I don't feel myself, but someone who is playing the role of a victim and culprit,
In some dualistic tale,
Proving everyone wrong for a moment,
And regretting all that has been said and done in the next..

I wanna go away somewhere, where I can take a long nap again,
Forget to think and worry, be in the present, feeling the sun and the touch of rain,
I wanna go somewhere, where I can find me, my authentic self,
Who used to go with life like a flowing river,
Could relate to everything around nature like a mirror,
Would celebrate life, in every season, receiving all sorts of experiences as, teacher..

But I hate to say this, I am not me these days, 
This is not me,
This is not me, 
They call it Anxiety,
I call it Devil who has taken me away from me..

Kripa Acharya
Psychosocial Counselor