Nobody Loves me

Lockdown is not new to me
My confidence has been Miserably locked down since a long ago
Devil from past always haunt my Soul 
And leaves me lonely in this miserable world.   
I end up failing to recollect my scattered dreams 
Found no way than to silently cry and Scream
Who will understand that my happiness is already locked-down? 

Lockdown is never new to me
My little room holds my whole world
Isolation soothes me more than crowds around 
Loving my own stinking body and breath covering my shrinking tired body with the smile of fake
Dining with my rolling tears n enjoying night less self-talks 
Who will understand that My happiness is already locked down?

Enough is the word I utter the most
Nobody stands for me in this world of corps 
Incapability defines me the best
My survival is the thing I’ve ever known the worst
Please stop! Stop calling me a failure
Oh lord! Shall I come to you or you sending me a savior? 
My hope is already locked down
My world is already locked down 
This lockdown matters me none

A thin whisper of hope strokes my ear
A featherless angel knocked my door
I was drawn into the swamp of frustration, fear, and anger
I lost my dignity but a hand was there to hold whenever I tremble
I was dead but again I rise 
Because I found an angel in disguise

Renuka Manandhar
Psychosocial Counselor