What if we could change negative self-talk into positive
self-talk? Do we have any skills that we can install and practice on us to
learn the way to change our inner speech? GOOD NEWS is a big YES!!
Self-talk, also known as inner speech,
inner discourse, or internal monologue. Self-talk is the endless stream that
comes as automatic thoughts. Self-talk is very personal; one which may work for
an individual may not work for someone else and self-talk changes from time to
time-periodic basis. Self-talk that motivated you in school days may not
motivate you in adulthood. Periodically you need to update self-talk.
Self-talk is about the processing of
daily experiences. Self-talk determines your self-esteem and the level of your
self-esteem decides the way you handle stress in your life.
Broadly
there are two types of self-talk- positive self-talk and negative
self-talk. Basically, negative
self-talk is any inner dialogue you have with yourself that may
be limiting your ability to believe in yourself and your own
abilities and to reach your potential. It is any thought that diminishes your
ability to make positive changes in your life or your confidence
in yourself to do so. Like- No one likes me, I am not good enough.
Positive self-talk is the motivational or instructional
monologue that increases your self-esteem and drives you to make positive
changes in your life. Like- I like me, I am enough and worthy too.
“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails”- Jimmy Dean
Let us have a look, how negative self-talk can be changed
to a positive one.
SOS (Stop- Observe- Shift) is the technique to stop
negative self-talk where;
Stop means- Mentally telling you “STOP” this will interrupt
your thought process.
Observe means-Observe what you are saying to yourself and
how it is making you feel.
Shift means- Shift your thinking, emotional, and
behavioral response by using positive coping skills.
When one is aware of SOS, he or she can practice the skill
of changing negative self-talk into a positive one. Now you can take a pen and
paper and work on your negative self-talk.
Here is the practical application of this skill in three
easy steps:
- LISTEN: Listen to what you are saying to yourself
- CHALLENGE: Challenge your self-talk.
- CHANGE: Change your
self-talk.
Let us take an example of self-talk as:
“I never
get anything right” Let us apply the above steps here.
- LISTEN: In this section simply do these two things-
1. Notice the self-talk:
Notice and note it out same as you thought
Example-“I never get anything right”
2. Is this positive or
negative: Above talk is negative
self-talk.
- CHALLENGE: Here is the way to challenge your self-talk with these
two questions:
1. Is there any actual
evidence for this thought? Example- Once
or twice I may have gone wrong, but not all the times, so saying “never” is
hypothetical, not the actual one.
2. What would I say if my friend was in a similar situation? Example- I would say that this is the only
time you got wrong; otherwise you are doing so well. Also, you had been through
these situations before and have overcome these sorts of things easily. You may
seek support from family and friends.
- CHANGE: In this part, just do these two things:
1. Install alternative
positive self-talk. Example-Instead of
saying I never get anything right say is there anything I can do that will help
me to do this?
2. Make a list of positive things you can do. Example- Seek helps from those who had
completed the task, looking for mentorship and coaching. Focusing on own
strengths.
Using the name or, a third person instead of ‘I’, will
create psychological distance from emotional intensity and make you feel a part
from the problem.
Example: Instead of saying I am worried; say (your name)
is worried. This process really helps you to observe the problem from out of
the box.
Yes! Negative self-talk is the habit we form based on our
learning, exposures, and experiences, and the GOOD NEWS is that we can change
our habit by installing and practicing the mentioned skills.
Kapil Sharma
Psychosocial Counselor
 “Be your own best friend”){kind=link}
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